An Unfortunate Merchant
by A Flame By Any Other Name
Summary: When a strange merchant arrives in town, he is unoblivious to the 'unofficial rules' in Camelot regarding a certain manservant and handmaiden... and managed to break them all. Oneshot


As a bartender I've heard my fair share of stories; some funny, some sad and most just embarrassing. But the most memorable story ever has to be the day a strange merchant arrived in town.

You see, at nearly midnight he stumbles into my tavern, with a black eye and a swollen lip. He came right over to one of the stools, and seemed to collapse onto it. That was the first clue that he had an interesting story to tell, so I sauntered over to him.

"What'll it be?"

"A pint of your strongest ale please." That was the second clue. Usually, I only serve that ale to a certain knight...

"Coming right up." I quickly pored the drink and slammed it down on the bar. "So, what's happened to you then?"

The man sighed, "I've had a terrible day. I arrived in Camelot this morning, with the hope of selling a lot of my wares. Things were going well, and then I saw this beautiful woman. I walked up to her and began to "charm" her, when out of nowhere a man punched me. Square in the jaw. Gave me this bruise here." He pointed to a very colourful patch of skin on the right side of his face.

"She must've been a very pretty lady for him to just puch you with no questions asked."

He nodded, "Beautiful. She had skin the colour of coffee and gorgeous curls."

I paled a little, dreading the answer to my next question, "What was her name?"

"It began with a G... Gwen I think it was."

If I'd been drinking, it would have sprayed all over him, "You didn't, did you?" He gave me a puzzled look. "What did the man look like?"

"Long, wavy, brown hair muscular build - a knight."

"You just angered the most docile of the knights, Lancelot, by flirting with the girl he loves. Not the smartest move to make in Camelot, but you weren't to know. How'd you get some of your other facial decorations?"

"Well, I was walking around the palace courtyard, hoping some noble would be interested in what I had to offer, when out of nowhere a man came barreling into me."

I chuckled a little, "Aye, that was probably Merlin. Couldn't walk in a straight line sober."

"Yes, I believe Merlin was his name. Anyway, he broke one of my china ornaments - not the cheapest of my wares - and then refused to pay for it. He said it was partly my fault too, for not looking out for clumsy manservants, whatever that means." I laughed again, "I asked again, but still he would not comply, so I quickly got angry. My fist clenched and was mere inches from his face when another knight came along and pushed me to the ground. When I got up, 4 knights, including that Lancelot guy, were standing in front of that oaf. I demanded that they let me teach him a lesson, but they were very adamant that I didn't."

By this point, people around the tavern were worried that I had just seen a sorcerer, so horrified was the look on my face.

The man continued, "Then another man entered the courtyard, and I thought my luck had turned, for low and behold it was Prince Arthur - he's widely known for treating people fairly, and I felt that my situation was very unfair. So, I went up to him, and began complaining about his knights. His face gained a weary look to it, and he walked over to them. He began shouting at them about 'what's he told them about being nice to visitors' and I think I heard a 'Gwaine, you can't be drunk all the time' but he was stopped mid-rant by the knight named Gwaine, who began rambling on about his point of views of events."

I could tell that this story was not going to have a happy ended for it's teller, but I couldn't help but listen. "Well, Prince Arthur's face began getting redder and redder. He then stormed over to me, and hissed, "If you so much as breathe near Melin, I swear to God I will have you exiled from Camelot. Just be glad you haven't done anything else." I felt that this was a little unjust, so I tried to defend myself, "I was only asking for him to pay for what he broke. You really need to keep those knights in check, but I suppose unruly behaviour is what you should expect from commoners who've been raised above their rightful status. I mean, only earlier today, that kinght Lancelot punched me for flirting with a handmaiden called Gwen - " And I never got to finish defending myself for I felt a great pain in my head, blacked out, then woke up an hour ago in the palace courtyard. What a miserable day. Well, if you don't mind, I would like a room."

I silently handed him a room key, too dumbstruck to say anything. I could barely even think, bar the thought that he was one unlucky merchant.

The next day, Arthur had exiled the man, and all was back to normal in Camelot. Though now, the men's knighthood was never questioned, Merlin was never scolded(except by those he knew) and no-one ever even thought about glancing at the beautiful handmaiden who was the unofficial property of a certain noble.


End file.
